How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
