I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
