i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
