he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize