someone threw a dead crab at me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
