How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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