covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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