Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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