News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
