We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
