this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
