you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's always time for handjobs
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
