White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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