i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
