Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
