we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
