So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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