you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
