you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
