It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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