If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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