you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think my vagina is haunted
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
