when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
