He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
