When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
