I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
