I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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