i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
