Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize