how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
