I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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