He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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