Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
