i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
