That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
