Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
