If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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