I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
