highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
