I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
