one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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