i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
