no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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