she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
