Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
