look no pants
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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