I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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