My friends, they love my intelligence
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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