she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I just sharted jello shots
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