like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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