My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
