did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
