I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
