I'm so fucking centered right now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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