CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
