You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dicks are not precious.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
