dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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