The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
