I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
