that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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