Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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