I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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