dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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