I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize