The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
