Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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