So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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