I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
