Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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