Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
