One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
