nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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