So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize