Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
