nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
