By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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