i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
