I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
