According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this will be a night to untag.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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