I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
