Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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