hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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