I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
